A Tiny Part Failure Killed My Hyundai Elantra N On What Was Already The Worst Day Of My Life

The headline is hyperbole, granted. I’m 54 years outdated. I’ve had lots of unhealthy days. Was this one the worst? Impossible to say. Can I identify a worse one off the highest of my head? Now that I give it some thought, no! But we’ll get to that.

Let’s discuss in regards to the automobile first. The vaunted Hyundai Elantra N! The automobile recognized all through the automotive-YouTube and reddit-forum universe because the finances various to the Honda Civic Type R and Toyota Corolla GR, providing up 98 p.c of their efficiency at a ten-thousand-dollar low cost (extra once you consider supplier gouging). Former BMW M-father Albert Biermann’s reward to the widespread folks: a track-ready weapon that’ll do double-duty as a humble household sedan when wanted, however isn’t greater than a flick of a baby-blue N button away from springing into full rifle-shot-backfire motion. What’s to not love?

Mine was a Christmas current to myself a pair years in the past. For most of my life I’ve solely pushed beater shitboxes — for the longest time taking a perverse delight in by no means having spent greater than $2,500 on any of them — however when my newest acquisition, a Saab 9-5 Aero wagon with a sketchy title historical past, began exhibiting indicators that its head-gasket points might need much less to do with the top than the block, I’d lastly had sufficient. Time to behave like a grown-up for as soon as and purchase myself a automobile with an precise guarantee.

A crushingly miserable conclusion on the time, as a result of I typically hate new automobiles. The weight, the bloat, the superfluous and gimmicky tech, the pursuit of irrelevant numbers and advertising B.S. that solely serves to additional distance drivers from the act of driving — all of it simply bums me out. I hate computerized transmissions. All of them. I don’t care how “good” they’re. New automobiles suck. I informed you: I’m outdated.

But then I remembered the Veloster N I’d pushed a couple of years prior on the Rolex 24. I used to be in Daytona for a narrative about Hyundai’s nascent IMSA program, with Bryan Herta Autosport operating a group of TCRs within the Michelin Pilot Challenge. When hotshoe Michael Lewis took me for a lap in my utterly inventory road automobile I used to be legitimately floored by the quantity of pace he carried by way of the infield, and he gushed about how intently the dynamics of the highway automobile mirrored these of its racer-fied siblings. (Lewis would go on to win three of BHA’s subsequent five-and-counting championships within the years since.) The automobile was inexpensive, enjoyable, and — most memorably — it felt particular.

By mid-2022 after I was buying, although, the Veloster’s funky asymmetrical hot-hatch configuration was being phased out in favor of the extra typical four-door Elantra. Same drivetrain, related suspension setup, principally the entire Hyundai N goodness in a slightly-longer-wheelbase, extra passenger-friendly package deal. And cheaper, weirdly. I truthfully most popular the seems of the Veloster however wasn’t about to pay an additional thousand bucks for a jankier inside. Elantra N it was, then.

If you recall, 2022 was additionally the 12 months all of us realized responsible no matter was flawed in our lives on the international provide chain, and there was a ready checklist for just about all the pieces; the Elantra N had gone on sale late in 2021 however I’d seen precisely one within the wild and showroom flooring have been barren. After a couple of weeks of getting dicked round by out-of-state dealerships, I discovered the least terrible native outlet and put down a deposit that made me first in line for his or her subsequent 6-speed handbook allocation.

Six months later it lastly arrived, as I say, days earlier than Christmas. A white one. I didn’t notably care in regards to the shade, however sooner or later throughout that interminable wait I’d had a dream a few white one, so this felt surprisingly fated. I introduced within the set of Michelin X-Ices mounted on Sparco Terras I had on deck for this very event, signed the paperwork whereas they threw them on, and took supply of the primary and nearly actually final new automobile I’ll ever purchase. Granted, I’m not that outdated, however I say this even now as a result of I simply can’t think about there ever once more being one other new automobile that I’ll each be capable of afford and, crucially, need. They don’t make ’em like this anymore!

Unsurprisingly, the automobile kicked ass. I cherished it from that first drive residence, cherished it much more after 600 diligent break-in miles after I may lastly put my foot in it, cherished it extra nonetheless come spring when these winter tires obtained swapped out for the ridiculously grippy Pilot Sports it shipped with. Total Jekyll and Hyde persona, docile and chill round city however an absolute bastard when referred to as upon; fast and responsive, with probably the most hilariously mild rear finish I’ve ever skilled in a front-drive automobile. The annoying tech was all simply (and completely) disabled, the helpful tech intuitive and elegantly built-in with bodily controls — different producers take notice: this is the way you do a contemporary inside — and it was a easy matter to configure these N buttons in a means that allowed me to seamlessly alternate between what I regarded as Eco-Grandma, Fast-but-Comfortable, Firmed-Up-but-Not-Aggro, and Full-Send Menace-to-Society modes. My twelve-year-old daughter who couldn’t care much less about automobiles cherished it; her associates cherished it; all of a sudden I used to be the cool dad on account of my scorching rod Hyundai, go determine. Even the automobile’s hideous grill was redeemed when my highschool bandmate remarked upon its unmistakable resemblance to the visage of 1 Paul Stanley, one thing that’s not possible to un-see as soon as it’s identified to you. We dubbed it the Carchild.

None of this got here as a shock. I knew I used to be going to love the automobile; that’s why I purchased it. What I wasn’t anticipating, although, was simply how a lot enjoyable it might be to drive one thing that I cherished so unreservedly. How uncommon, in our sophisticated world, to have the ability to really feel simply uncomplicatedly good about one thing! Hell, the Ns are manufactured in South Korea, so I may even fake I wasn’t implicated in Hyundai’s stateside child-labor scenario. I cherished going to IMSA races and rooting for the Elantra TCRs, seeing the ever-growing checklist of championships on the Herta trailers, filling out the dumb on-line surveys at Hyundai’s “activation” tents — How possible would I be to suggest one to a good friend? 10/10 child, all day! — and getting one other cool t-shirt in trade, the race automobile fading to black with the tagline on the again: Never simply drive.

Okay, I need you to think about that phrase echoing into the void because the display goes darkish and we now transition from the primary a part of our story to the second.

This can be the (probably) worst day of my life a part of the story. To set this up I would like to clarify that for the final twenty-plus years I’ve made my residing as a touring and recording musician, taking part in bass in a cult band referred to as the Mountain Goats. And whereas I dwell in western New York, the remainder of the band are unfold throughout the three corners of North Carolina’s Research Triangle, which implies that as a rule, our excursions began and ended from there. And as a result of flying on this nation has grow to be an unreliable nightmare, my M.O. for ages had been to drive the eleven hours down to satisfy the bus at first of tour, go away my automobile at our drummer’s home, and drive residence on the finish — one thing I by no means minded. Eleven hours of peaceable, uninterrupted solitude? Are you kidding? I appeared ahead to it, particularly with my new trip making brief work of Virginia’s numerous and pleasant Blue Ridge Mountain passes.

Towards the top of our most up-to-date tour I awoke one morning feeling like dying. A Covid check confirmed my suspicion: I might be lacking our final 4 reveals. Instead I’d be staying behindyt in Charlottesville, Virginia, quarantined in a resort room till such time as I may safely make my means residence.

Not the primary time I’d gotten Covid on tour! That had been towards the top of one among our first post-lockdown outings, within the fall of 2021, when three of us got here up optimistic and I spent per week isolating in a resort room in McLean earlier than returning residence to my household — Virginia being the place I am going to get Covid, apparently. My shameful secret on the time? It dominated. Recently vaxxed, a gentle case, I handed the time ordering in actually good meals, watching motion pictures, studying, listening to music, monitoring the birds exterior my ninth-floor window…I privately referred to it as my Covid retreat. Bliss.

This time was not bliss. This time was, actually, the furthest factor from bliss. This was per week within the suicidal ideation chamber, a darkish night time of the soul punctuated by room service deliveries of Kleenex and Gatorade left exterior my door. Physically I used to be a wreck: grievously in poor health and incapable of sleep, and with all the pieces I put in my mouth tasting like absolute ass (even worse ass as soon as I obtained the Paxlovid, which arrived too late to impart something however its least nice side-effects), I couldn’t actually eat both. Worse but, although, was the psychological funk, the short-circuited government functioning, the proverbial mind fog from which, as the times went on, step by step started to emerge the contours of a profoundly distressing and doubtlessly life-altering realization, to wit: I don’t assume I can do that — emphatically factors in each course — anymore. You know that line in regards to the physique maintaining rating? This was the physique holding up the judges’ playing cards, and each final one among them stated the identical factor. Game over, buddy.

I’d examined optimistic on Monday morning; by Friday I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to GTFO. I needed to go residence. Of course, I used to be in no situation to go wherever, however that was inappropriate. My scenario had grow to be untenable. I booked a rental automobile and plotted my escape.

The plan was a convoluted one, even below one of the best of circumstances. I’d get a rideshare from the resort to the Charlottesville airport, the place I’d decide up the rental. Drive 4 hours to the Raleigh-Durham airport, the place’d I return it. Get one other rideshare to my automobile, a half-hour away in Chapel Hill. And then get as a lot highway below me as I may earlier than discovering a resort for the night time, thereby splitting the eleven hours I usually down in a single gulp into chunks that is likely to be extra manageable given my shaky situation. Sounds cheap, although, proper? Doable, at the very least?

Friends, after I say that it was all I may do to get myself and my stuff — a suitcase, a backpack, a duffle bag and a garment bag — from my resort room to the foyer, I imply it was actually all I may do. Forget about the remainder of it. From that time on, I used to be absolutely past my operational capability, reserves empty, borrowing in opposition to future returns that I don’t ever anticipate to understand. Honestly? I ought to’ve been within the fucking hospital. Saline drip in my arm, medicated to oblivion. That’s not how we do issues right here, although, so as a substitute I sat down on the curb within the 90-degree Virginia morning swelter and waited for my trip.

Just to maintain the dropping streak going, what do you suppose Avis gave me on the airport? Of all of the automobiles at the moment accessible from the rental-car roulette wheel, which one would most completely complement the abject despair of this second? If you guessed Nissan Rogue, give your self a prize, and please settle for my condolences as properly, as a result of I’ve to think about that you simply’ve been right here earlier than too.

I drove to RDU like a whole asshole. The one redeeming high quality of a Nissan Rogue — any Nissan from the final twenty years actually — is that it telegraphs to different drivers that you don’t give a shit, a truth I used to full benefit in maintaining the left lane clear in entrance of me. Made shockingly good time because of this. (It happens to me now that this is likely to be helpful intel for future Cannonballers. Can you match an AMG engine in a Rogue? Does AMG make a CVT?)

It was mid-afternoon by the point I used to be dropped off in our drummer’s gravel driveway, exhausted however grateful to have the toughest half behind me. I snapped a pic of our automobiles sitting subsequent to one another and texted it to him; Hurricane Debby had come by way of and dumped a ton of rain a pair days earlier, and I’d had visions of exhibiting as much as downed bushes or worse. Happily, the automobiles and his home appeared to have weathered the storm unscathed. I loaded up the Hyundai, checked the oil, obtained myself settled in and rolled out onto the road with an enormous sigh of aid. Somehow, I’d performed it. I used to be in my automobile, pointed towards residence. All that was left now was to only drive. Easy. Just drive.

Sorry, what was that?

Barely a mile down the highway the examine engine mild flashed and the automobile went into limp mode. Pedal-to-the-floor-going-nowhere limp mode.

Now, I’m typically a reasonably profane individual in my on a regular basis life, and I are inclined to get extra volubly profane when shit that’s alleged to work begins fucking up, for instance. It is a measure of how totally defeated I felt at this second that the phrases that got here out of my mouth weren’t a torrent of abuse, of pure, undistilled rage directed at everybody and nobody directly, however one thing nearer to a whimper: No. Please no. Please don’t do that to me. Not now. Not at the moment.

I pulled off onto a facet road and pulled my trusty $20 OBD-II reader out of the middle console, a behavior leftover from beater days. A formality; as with the Covid check, I already knew the reply. P1326 — the knock sensor. A recognized challenge with these automobiles, one going again years on fashions all through the Hyundai vary. There are boards stuffed with tales of automobiles throwing codes and going into limp mode after a visit by way of a automobile wash, or worse, a puddle; certainly, I’d recognized sufficient that after I took my automobile to get Waxoyled I particularly informed the man to be mild when cleansing across the knock sensor beforehand, confirmed him precisely the place it was and all the pieces. For some motive the attachment the place the sensor is related is extremely prone to moisture and can brief out if water collects atop it. Mine had behaved itself till at the moment; clearly it was ready till the time was proper to inflict most psychic harm and let me know that I’d purchased the finances sport sedan equal of a fucking F-35.

Thrust all of a sudden from the anticipation of a zenned-out few hours of open highway into obligatory problem-solving mode, my still-fogged mind struggled. What do I even do? I limped to the car parking zone of a close-by vintage retailer to get out of hurt’s means. The automobile’s heart display proffered a button with directions to name Hyundai service instantly. Not certain what that’s going to perform, however okay, certain. They dispatched a tow truck and informed me to sit down tight. In the meantime I scrolled by way of discussion board posts on my cellphone — can’t I simply clear the code? There’s nothing really flawed with the automobile, proper? After a couple of unsuccessful makes an attempt, I finally managed to seek out the mixture of ignition sequences and code-reader inputs that put out the engine mild. Okay, candy, again in enterprise. I texted the tow driver again and informed him his companies have been now not required. Pulled triumphantly again onto the highway and made it almost half-way throughout the intersection when the sunshine got here again on and automobile went again into limp mode.

Now got here the profanity.

When selecting a spot to your complete nervous breakdown, there are a variety of things you’re going to need to think about. Fewer folks round to witness it the higher, after all. If you’re open air, possibly search for shade? Finally, it’s nice if there’s some massive heavy objects close by that you could decide up and throw in a futile expression of your personal helplessness, simply to really feel such as you’re doing one thing — unfastened bricks or massive pavers are perfect for this.

Happily for me there was an empty workplace park inside coasting distance, with a car parking zone completely suited to the event. You ever seen a grown-ass, middle-aged man utterly lose his shit? It’s not fairly. But generally in life it takes a second like this to shake you out of no matter combination of complacency and denial you’ve been residing in, and admit to your self that it could’t proceed, nevertheless a lot grief it’s going to trigger you. In habit circles they name it hitting backside. In my case it meant calling again the tow truck driver.

By the time he confirmed up it was 5 o’clock, on a Saturday. The service division on the nearest dealership was closed, naturally, and wouldn’t open once more till Monday morning. I briefly thought-about staying till then however shortly realized that if I needed to spend one other full day in a resort room…properly, let’s simply say that wasn’t actually an possibility. I left the automobile on the supplier, obtained one more rideshare again out to an airport resort, and flew residence the subsequent day.

To Hyundai’s credit score, the automobile was fastened — knock sensor changed — Monday morning, and the company folks I spoke with have been exceedingly useful in arranging to have the automobile returned to me on their dime with assurances that I’d be reimbursed for all bills incurred. And certain sufficient, per week later the automobile was again in my driveway.

I don’t even need to have a look at the damned factor.

Every little bit of enthusiasm I ever had for it has been completely extinguished. The t-shirts went within the trash. It’s so humorous to me now, after I take into consideration the a 12 months and a half I spent meticulously altering my very own oil, doing two-bucket hand washes, parking on the far finish of the grocery store lot like a boomer with a brand new 911. What a chump! What an absolute fucking mark! It’s a Hyundai, bro!

Some of you studying this is likely to be considering properly come on, man, it’s a automobile. Things occur. And you’re proper, after all. Look, I’ve dailied decades-old Saabs for a big chunk of my life. There’s a motive I carry an OBD-II reader, even in a brand new automobile. I get it.

But my behavior of utilizing phrases like “budget” and “affordable” in relation to this automobile shouldn’t obscure the truth that, out the door, after taxes and vacation spot and all the pieces else, I paid almost forty thousand {dollars} for this factor. We’ve been conditioned to assume that’s not so much, however to me at the very least, it’s a colossal sum. And but they couldn’t spend the additional buck-fifty it might’ve value for a weatherproof connector to get me residence on a day after I’d all however killed myself simply looking for my means into within the driver’s seat. Never simply drive, certainly!

Half of me needs to commerce it for a Corolla — not a GR, simply a Corolla, a center finger to the whole concept of a cool automobile, the cheaper the higher — however my child has made it clear that whereas she’s nice with me quitting my rock-star job, eliminating “her” Hyundai would mark a breach of father-daughter relations for which I’d by no means be forgiven. That, together with the understanding that I’d be screwing myself financially by promoting at this level, are motive sufficient to maintain it, at the very least for now.

After all this, would I nonetheless suggest an Elantra N to a good friend?

Well, it relies upon. Just utilizing it for monitor days, or to impress the twelve-year-olds in your life? Sure.

Does it rain the place you reside? Does it ever rain anyplace you might need motive to go? Might there ever be a scenario the place your sanity relies upon upon the automobile getting you from one place to a different?

If so, I’d say the N in that case stands for Not in your fucking life.